Tonight a friend and I attended a Christmas Eve candlelight service at the neighborhood Presbyterian church. It was a rather spur-of-the-moment decision to go there, but it turned out to be a good experience for the two of us. Carols were sung, prayers were said, a sermon was given, and communion was offered. I was pleased to realize that I finally have enough distance between my former beliefs and my current state of mind to be able to enjoy the service tonight as something interesting to experience in a detached way, as an anthropologist would observe a tribal ritual. I did not feel the need to cringe at all the god language, or have to restrain myself from a lot of eye-rolling at the beliefs expressed by the pastor. I happily joined in the singing of the Christmas carols that I remembered from my childhood and just let the rest of the service glide over me. There was an awkward moment that occurred after my friend and I did not go forward to communion: thinking that perhaps we were not able to go to the front of the sanctuary, they brought the communion to our pew and we had to shake our heads "no". But the moment passed, the candles were lit and the lights dimmed as we sang "Silent Night". A nice feeling of contentment arose as I joined the congregation in softly singing the simple words of this song. I'm glad I allowed myself this experience, and happy that any sort of anger, bitterness, or disappointment that I may have had in the past over my early religious beliefs, is gone.
It truly is a silent night, filled with the wonder of just being alive.
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